panic and the curse of the procrastinator.

i'm here again. having procrastinated something very important i am experiencing extreme distress/panic. despite this, i am wasting my fucking time writing this stupid fucking post. why? coz i feel lonely right now. i'm going to just sit and churn out six fucking pages. it will fucking get done.

an honest four hours of work...

wow! the pressure is high and work gets done! what an amazing fundamental law of human behaviour. i have worked, sincerely and mostly without vacillating for the past four hours. i actually find it mildly invigorating. its one of those things where you freak about a task and your procrastinate till there is no breathing room left and then you are swimming in the titanic with only an inch left between the water level and the roof and its time for you to take that final deep breath and decide to swim underwater and surface someplace and catch a raft or whatever. (i am not going to sink with the metaphorical ship... it would be horrible to be a loser even in hypothetical situations!)

the last month of my ee master's. it's here. the end is (hopefully) nigh. this paper needs to get out by the damn fifth. i've disappointed my angel of an advisor (the new one) and myself. but i need to get this OUT.

think i need to head home and get some shut eye.

Guess I'm moving to Natick soon.

I was stopped at a stop sign, waiting for the road to clear so I could turn left. A man was walking close to the left of my car, walking towards me. He seemed Italian, slightly seedy and shady - smoking. Another car, came up from behind him and stopped by his side, and the driver spoke briefly to the pedestrian and the man nodded and pulled out a cigarette and gave it to the driver - and then the other guy drove away.

Very contrary to my apprehensions about this place. So, the people here seem pretty decent. The traffic patterns are disconcerting and slightly ill conceived. Perhaps this is the result of poor planning and lack of space. I am starting to feel lost in space, yet again. So, I guess it wasn't Charleston. Symptomatic of something else...

Having a tough time finding an apartment that meets my expectations. Is my money really worth that little? I spoke to a very nice old gentleman today. He rents out his wife's family house. Talking to him was an extremely comforting experience. I've met and spoken to so many people in the last couple of days. Seems a blur.

Tired. Must sleep.

There's a feeling... but you're not feeling it at all.. there's a meaning, but you're not listening any more.. love Annie Lennox.