cruise control for life?

Let me lead with the good news, because generally I don't! I drove 800+ miles without incident!!! Of course it was a round trip, so that's 400 miles each way, roughly. On my way back, I discovered the many wonders and joys of cruise control!! What an absolutely wonderful feature! My limited cerebral capabilities tell me that it is an application of Systems and Controls, however, not being a graduate student in the subject yet, I may be completely off-base.

Its 3:35am and I am stressed about a phone call that I need to participate in tomorrow. It is going to be a discussion about my academic future with my advisor and is pretty loaded for me. I need to have my wits about me. That makes me even more nervous. In the past few months, someone I spoke with before a similar conversation gave me the simplest advice - he said "don't be nervous!". Its one of those moments that I am going to try and hang on to, because as simple as the advice was, it was what I needed to hear right then.

I am listening to Frou Frou's Only Got One as I write this. Just had a moment of blissful daydreaming induced due to the soothing music. I have had some of those while I am driving. Ever been frightened by the general direction your thoughts take? I am not frightened yet, but I am worried. Its like the statistical phenomena with the 1000 coin tosses with a single coin, once a trend begins, it generally strengthens.

Ever feel like you should have already found what you were chasing? I keep thinking, what exactly am I running after? Some days I feel that the answer is in my system somewhere and it calms me down; other days I hit some sort of frenzy crescendo in my panic about existential questions and it eats at me. I am also worrying a lot about energy consumption these days and am really considering switching off my binary clock, which consumes a lot of electricity and my toothbrush charger, although the latter I am more reluctant to pull the plug for. Also worrying about oil consumption - my drives may be killing the earth, just a little. Also worrying about my bank balance.

Its been so long now since I had a conversation with someone where I exchanged woes and worries and felt better for having shared. Most of my conversations tend to be a little superficial these days, I think everybody is playing it safe now. Wearing your heart on your sleeve just doesn't seem to be quite as fashionable these days. Maybe I have some growing up to do. Actually, fuck growing up. I have seen what grown ups of my age think. I think achievements etc. are important, but I think being happy and having fun is the most important thing. Life is too short! Screw everyone who makes me feel bad about myself for not having achieved as much as them, I am happy in mediocre nonentitydom. It suits me!

Fuck!

can't read this without smiling....

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"/ Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
- Charles M. Schulz

spinning a yarn.. and spinning it good!! :)

ok, so a few months ago i started a literary project on this blog... one that was sadly neglected with the passage of time... its time to revive the old storytelling blog post again.. except this time, its a new story...

(if you are wondering what the hell i'm talking about, look here)

here goes...

5th november
There once was a little girl named Maxine. Her parents had named her after the diabolical character of the same name in the movie Being John Malkovich - Maxine's parents had a taste for esoteric movies and concepts.

Maxine had an extremely active mind that pondered a vast variety of questions. Her musings ranged from wondering how the telephone exchange worked to wondering how the current education system was so vastly different from Newton's times, or Coulomb's times and how perhaps our current education system was stifling any alternate thought processes or perspectives that children / grownups these days had to offer. Had Maxine been a grown up, perhaps her friends would have told her that she thought too much.

lol!! omg! the universe is seriously bent on not letting me off the freaking hook!

even though i am the butt of the joke, i think its absolutely amazing that the universe *will not* let me get over some stuff... seriously, this is starting to get a little tedious and painful... PLEASE STOP!!!

cool musica link

http://www.blogmusik.net/

a really decent new? hindi song.. after an extremely long time!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuRVrZXhLCk