Tuesday, November 25, 2008
panic and the curse of the procrastinator.
i'm here again. having procrastinated something very important i am experiencing extreme distress/panic. despite this, i am wasting my fucking time writing this stupid fucking post. why? coz i feel lonely right now. i'm going to just sit and churn out six fucking pages. it will fucking get done.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
an honest four hours of work...
wow! the pressure is high and work gets done! what an amazing fundamental law of human behaviour. i have worked, sincerely and mostly without vacillating for the past four hours. i actually find it mildly invigorating. its one of those things where you freak about a task and your procrastinate till there is no breathing room left and then you are swimming in the titanic with only an inch left between the water level and the roof and its time for you to take that final deep breath and decide to swim underwater and surface someplace and catch a raft or whatever. (i am not going to sink with the metaphorical ship... it would be horrible to be a loser even in hypothetical situations!)
the last month of my ee master's. it's here. the end is (hopefully) nigh. this paper needs to get out by the damn fifth. i've disappointed my angel of an advisor (the new one) and myself. but i need to get this OUT.
think i need to head home and get some shut eye.
the last month of my ee master's. it's here. the end is (hopefully) nigh. this paper needs to get out by the damn fifth. i've disappointed my angel of an advisor (the new one) and myself. but i need to get this OUT.
think i need to head home and get some shut eye.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Guess I'm moving to Natick soon.
I was stopped at a stop sign, waiting for the road to clear so I could turn left. A man was walking close to the left of my car, walking towards me. He seemed Italian, slightly seedy and shady - smoking. Another car, came up from behind him and stopped by his side, and the driver spoke briefly to the pedestrian and the man nodded and pulled out a cigarette and gave it to the driver - and then the other guy drove away.
Very contrary to my apprehensions about this place. So, the people here seem pretty decent. The traffic patterns are disconcerting and slightly ill conceived. Perhaps this is the result of poor planning and lack of space. I am starting to feel lost in space, yet again. So, I guess it wasn't Charleston. Symptomatic of something else...
Having a tough time finding an apartment that meets my expectations. Is my money really worth that little? I spoke to a very nice old gentleman today. He rents out his wife's family house. Talking to him was an extremely comforting experience. I've met and spoken to so many people in the last couple of days. Seems a blur.
Tired. Must sleep.
There's a feeling... but you're not feeling it at all.. there's a meaning, but you're not listening any more.. love Annie Lennox.
Very contrary to my apprehensions about this place. So, the people here seem pretty decent. The traffic patterns are disconcerting and slightly ill conceived. Perhaps this is the result of poor planning and lack of space. I am starting to feel lost in space, yet again. So, I guess it wasn't Charleston. Symptomatic of something else...
Having a tough time finding an apartment that meets my expectations. Is my money really worth that little? I spoke to a very nice old gentleman today. He rents out his wife's family house. Talking to him was an extremely comforting experience. I've met and spoken to so many people in the last couple of days. Seems a blur.
Tired. Must sleep.
There's a feeling... but you're not feeling it at all.. there's a meaning, but you're not listening any more.. love Annie Lennox.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Feeling sick.. and tired of news recycling..
I am writing this in lieu of doing anything useful. So, basically, its a regular post.
Anyway, I find the overlap of coverage between NPR, BBC, Wired, SciAm and, to a very small extent, CNN boring. I am not talking about the big stuff. The merge there is understandable. I am talking about the side stories. The other "interesting" nugget stuff. Just realized that I completely ignored NYtimes as one of my news sources. Thing is, I like their coverage of financial stuff, I just don't like how biased and editorialized some of their articles tend to be. You are the media, give it to me straight with zero interpretation. Like that's going to happen one of these days! HA!
Anyway, I find the overlap of coverage between NPR, BBC, Wired, SciAm and, to a very small extent, CNN boring. I am not talking about the big stuff. The merge there is understandable. I am talking about the side stories. The other "interesting" nugget stuff. Just realized that I completely ignored NYtimes as one of my news sources. Thing is, I like their coverage of financial stuff, I just don't like how biased and editorialized some of their articles tend to be. You are the media, give it to me straight with zero interpretation. Like that's going to happen one of these days! HA!
Friday, October 10, 2008
Of how some people try to manipulate you...
So, here's the funny thing. One of my friends has this way of looking at occurrences whereby he is almost never the guy at fault. This tendency leads him to interpret people's behaviour in certain ways so as to allow him to arrive at his conclusions. I always secretly assumed this was a character weakness, because it can't almost never be his fault.
However, of late, my perspective has been slowly shifting. It is a slow and arduous process, but it is happening. Anyway, I realized that the underlying principle behind my friend's behaviour was not a self-serving tendency, but an innate self-confidence. A good kind of confidence that is positive for a person's mental health.
I don't like attributing base intentions to people's actions. However, that shift in perspective has involved accepting that people bullshit a LOT. People lie, hide and manipulate.
This morning, I felt the stirrings of an old dynamic between myself and someone from my past life. That he should have stayed in my past life and not spilled over to my new life is my mistake. But the manipulation is something that he and I have discussed in the past and something for which he has accepted blame. Still, after all these years, we are back to square one. I tend to yield and he tends to crush. At least I had the sense to hang up quickly once that behaviour began.
However, of late, my perspective has been slowly shifting. It is a slow and arduous process, but it is happening. Anyway, I realized that the underlying principle behind my friend's behaviour was not a self-serving tendency, but an innate self-confidence. A good kind of confidence that is positive for a person's mental health.
I don't like attributing base intentions to people's actions. However, that shift in perspective has involved accepting that people bullshit a LOT. People lie, hide and manipulate.
This morning, I felt the stirrings of an old dynamic between myself and someone from my past life. That he should have stayed in my past life and not spilled over to my new life is my mistake. But the manipulation is something that he and I have discussed in the past and something for which he has accepted blame. Still, after all these years, we are back to square one. I tend to yield and he tends to crush. At least I had the sense to hang up quickly once that behaviour began.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
tic toc tic toc tic toc...
pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been?
i've been to london to see the queen..
OMG!! an awesome song..
Not Now But Soon.. by the lovely Imogen Heap...
i've been to london to see the queen..
OMG!! an awesome song..
Not Now But Soon.. by the lovely Imogen Heap...
The Guitar Man - Cake..
Proctoring an exam right now. Kind of bored. Had planned on getting something very important done. However, it turns out that I'm not in the mood to work on it right now. I really like The Guitar Man by Cake. Such a good group...
I'm almost finished with Into the Wild. I have conflicting feelings about the book. On the one hand, I identify with Alex's need to step away from life and all its ensuing obligations and baggage. On the other hand, though, I understand the loss experienced by his family and understand that this was a waste. I guess a wiser choice would have to been to have the cake and eat it too. To look at a map and learn the skills needed before heading off into the wilderness.
I guess the guy who takes the cake is the chap who ventured off into the wilderness and forgot to arrange to have someone come pick him up. Wow! That's a big thing to fluke on. I can't imagine what death by starvation would feel like. Especially when it is essentially self-inflicted starvation.
Anyway, moving to other thoughts. The realtor lady called me and kind of creeped me out by going on about how great my company is. I have changed enough to actually recognize when someone is trying to ingratiate themselves to me. She did. But, all that useless rhetoric about how great my future employers are just adds to my anxiety.
Here's how I feel about the whole employment gig.
1. don't like being told what to do.
2. don't like my time being managed by someone else
3. really freaked out about the notion of committing to one entity for the next few YEARS of my life
4. really freaked out by the haunting memories of Charleston. worried about the social isolation and general feeling of disorientation that pervaded throughout my conciousness.
5. really freaked about stepping into the next phase of life, about aging and just watching the clock spin in general
6. will miss the security/comfort/joy of being in school. i LOVE school. i am happy here. even when i am miserable here, i am happier than i would be anywhere else.
the realtor lady kept reaching for an enthusiastic note in my voice. thing is, i have to do this so i will. i have no choice about the seconds ticking by. i am just worried about natick being a charleston part 2. that would not be good for my mental well being. although, i've worked hard recently to maintain equinamity and a general balance of emotions. who knows what the future holds?
wow, this kid is taking a LOT of time to finish his damn exam. he said that he'd be done in less than 3 hours. he is ten minutes shy of hitting 3 hours. i crib because i am weak. he's cool.
may the light shine on me about Rao-Blackwellized Particle Filters. They rock, and so do interacting multiple model algorithms. However, they currently dodge me and I grow weary of this game....
i love vision. computer vision, tracking... those are some truly sweet fields. i am looking forward to purchasing a lego mindstorm kit. that is going to be beyond fun. it'll be the most expensive toy that i will have ever purchased. doubly expensive, i plan on being a cool aunt and sending a kit to my little tots.
its coming down. she is leaving your house. she had to get out. she is mad and she'll take her mattress with her. its coming down, its coming down, its coming down..
cake...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BORED again...
I'm almost finished with Into the Wild. I have conflicting feelings about the book. On the one hand, I identify with Alex's need to step away from life and all its ensuing obligations and baggage. On the other hand, though, I understand the loss experienced by his family and understand that this was a waste. I guess a wiser choice would have to been to have the cake and eat it too. To look at a map and learn the skills needed before heading off into the wilderness.
I guess the guy who takes the cake is the chap who ventured off into the wilderness and forgot to arrange to have someone come pick him up. Wow! That's a big thing to fluke on. I can't imagine what death by starvation would feel like. Especially when it is essentially self-inflicted starvation.
Anyway, moving to other thoughts. The realtor lady called me and kind of creeped me out by going on about how great my company is. I have changed enough to actually recognize when someone is trying to ingratiate themselves to me. She did. But, all that useless rhetoric about how great my future employers are just adds to my anxiety.
Here's how I feel about the whole employment gig.
1. don't like being told what to do.
2. don't like my time being managed by someone else
3. really freaked out about the notion of committing to one entity for the next few YEARS of my life
4. really freaked out by the haunting memories of Charleston. worried about the social isolation and general feeling of disorientation that pervaded throughout my conciousness.
5. really freaked about stepping into the next phase of life, about aging and just watching the clock spin in general
6. will miss the security/comfort/joy of being in school. i LOVE school. i am happy here. even when i am miserable here, i am happier than i would be anywhere else.
the realtor lady kept reaching for an enthusiastic note in my voice. thing is, i have to do this so i will. i have no choice about the seconds ticking by. i am just worried about natick being a charleston part 2. that would not be good for my mental well being. although, i've worked hard recently to maintain equinamity and a general balance of emotions. who knows what the future holds?
wow, this kid is taking a LOT of time to finish his damn exam. he said that he'd be done in less than 3 hours. he is ten minutes shy of hitting 3 hours. i crib because i am weak. he's cool.
may the light shine on me about Rao-Blackwellized Particle Filters. They rock, and so do interacting multiple model algorithms. However, they currently dodge me and I grow weary of this game....
i love vision. computer vision, tracking... those are some truly sweet fields. i am looking forward to purchasing a lego mindstorm kit. that is going to be beyond fun. it'll be the most expensive toy that i will have ever purchased. doubly expensive, i plan on being a cool aunt and sending a kit to my little tots.
its coming down. she is leaving your house. she had to get out. she is mad and she'll take her mattress with her. its coming down, its coming down, its coming down..
cake...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BORED again...
Monday, October 06, 2008
The Heisenberg Uncertainty principle...
I am studying for my Lasers exam. Of course I am finding ways to digress. Just read about the Heisenberg Uncertainty principle... the moment you measure something you change it.. the obvious philosophical extension of this is that the moment you experience something/judge something, you have changed it? Can this be right? Let's see... I moved to Charleston. While there, I experienced the place and measured my response to the place. I moved away from Charleston. Did I change it in any way? May be I did. For sure I left an ecological footprint. I may have even influenced my former employers to be more circumspect about how they handle foreign nationals. I may even have made a nano-scale impact on the lives of some of the people there - like my Capoeira brethren.
State College? I know I made an impact here! For one, I impacted the lives of the students that I taught. I either made labs a pleasant, educational experience or I was that crazy Indian female engineer who drove them nuts. Good or bad, its an impact. How about the fact that my former advisor has been completely turned off on MS students because of what he perceives as my disloyal act? Bad impact for him, I think. Good decision for my life.
Hmm... as the time to leave draws nigh, its time to introspect a little and measure what I need to rectify in the future. For sure, I need to have more faith in myself and not overthink things. For sure I need to stand up for myself in trying situations and not accept a substandard situation as the status quo. Being proactive will only benefit you. Guess the more you measure, the more you change.
Yeah, I guess I love trite philosophies. Sort of my own personal Scrubs going on here. I love to hate that show!! I find the people that worship that show extremely interesting to observe. Generally, I find them copying a lot of the jokes from the show, which I think is an extremely observer friendly phenomenon. It makes me laugh. I think I judge them. But then again, that's the bitch, I seem to soliloquizing myself, so I guess I judge myself too!!
Need to get back to the second postulate of Quantum mechanics... null operators and crap...
State College? I know I made an impact here! For one, I impacted the lives of the students that I taught. I either made labs a pleasant, educational experience or I was that crazy Indian female engineer who drove them nuts. Good or bad, its an impact. How about the fact that my former advisor has been completely turned off on MS students because of what he perceives as my disloyal act? Bad impact for him, I think. Good decision for my life.
Hmm... as the time to leave draws nigh, its time to introspect a little and measure what I need to rectify in the future. For sure, I need to have more faith in myself and not overthink things. For sure I need to stand up for myself in trying situations and not accept a substandard situation as the status quo. Being proactive will only benefit you. Guess the more you measure, the more you change.
Yeah, I guess I love trite philosophies. Sort of my own personal Scrubs going on here. I love to hate that show!! I find the people that worship that show extremely interesting to observe. Generally, I find them copying a lot of the jokes from the show, which I think is an extremely observer friendly phenomenon. It makes me laugh. I think I judge them. But then again, that's the bitch, I seem to soliloquizing myself, so I guess I judge myself too!!
Need to get back to the second postulate of Quantum mechanics... null operators and crap...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Who knew it was true?!?! (And I'm a true bitch for saying it)
But good ol' JT (whom we all love to hate) actually got it right..
what goes around really, really, really does come fucking around!!
(Sure, I'll be a bigger bitch and say it.. I love kaarma!)
what goes around really, really, really does come fucking around!!
(Sure, I'll be a bigger bitch and say it.. I love kaarma!)
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Fall in State College.
Its quite the experience to look up from one's cozy corner in the study lounge and see hordes of college students teem about the streets. It is a beautiful day here in State College. The skies are gloriously blue and the the temperature is just starting to drop some.
My seat in Kunkle is awesome! ;-P
My seat in Kunkle is awesome! ;-P
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Academic divorce and freedom.
Just a note: Quit my lab and thesis. Doing a paper and getting out in December. Time to not take shit from an egomaniac who won't let you fucking produce a single original thought.
I'm really happy that I had the spine to get out. Didn't think I had it in me.
I'm really happy that I had the spine to get out. Didn't think I had it in me.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
going home in a week... (less than!!!)
i got the last bit of visa related paperwork done today. so, in theory, my visit should go smoothly as far as visa related issues are concerned. of course, experience has taught me that theory and reality may be distinct, especially when any disparity between the two is painful to oneself. (Apart from the principle of uncertainty the only other principle/theory I believe in is Murphy's Law.)
I've been watching Koppel's The Republic of Capitalism on Discovery. The intricacy of the machinations of Life flummox me. I doubt that there will ever come a time when a theory will be developed that correctly models our world and has any predictive value. Our world has an incredibly rich and largely indecipherable history that would be crucial to the formulation of any theory aspiring to understand the Universe. Not only that, but it is impossible to achieve the individual-level resolution that would be required. The past is irretrievable and the present is quickly turning into that irretrievable past.
Time is a true bitch. You get older and don't even realize it. You let your ambitions and dreams stagnate while you get caught up in the minutiae of life. You miss the big picture that you cling to so desperately. It makes a fool of you and subjects you to watching your parents age. There are few things that I can imagine being more painful. Probably watching your own child's health suffer. I don't have first hand experience in that department, but I miss Vinnie terribly and so I think I have some understanding of what people go through.
I'm dealing with my thesis. I'll be frank, working with my boss is taxing my patience to the utmost. This is pretty bad. But, there is the eternal adage that comes to my aid - "this too shall pass." Boy, I can hardly wait!
I've been re-evaluating my goals. I think I want to become a professor who inspires students to consider teaching. However, I will settle for a teacher who is fair and capable of adequately teaching the material at hand. Also, I want my research to somehow connect with the energy crisis facing the world. My other thought is that I could use my sabbaticals to spread education in remoter pockets of the world. I am definitely against evangelical approaches to "modern" education, so I hope that it would be a quid pro quo sort of deal where I would learn a lot and impart some useful modern world skills.
gtg..
I've been watching Koppel's The Republic of Capitalism on Discovery. The intricacy of the machinations of Life flummox me. I doubt that there will ever come a time when a theory will be developed that correctly models our world and has any predictive value. Our world has an incredibly rich and largely indecipherable history that would be crucial to the formulation of any theory aspiring to understand the Universe. Not only that, but it is impossible to achieve the individual-level resolution that would be required. The past is irretrievable and the present is quickly turning into that irretrievable past.
Time is a true bitch. You get older and don't even realize it. You let your ambitions and dreams stagnate while you get caught up in the minutiae of life. You miss the big picture that you cling to so desperately. It makes a fool of you and subjects you to watching your parents age. There are few things that I can imagine being more painful. Probably watching your own child's health suffer. I don't have first hand experience in that department, but I miss Vinnie terribly and so I think I have some understanding of what people go through.
I'm dealing with my thesis. I'll be frank, working with my boss is taxing my patience to the utmost. This is pretty bad. But, there is the eternal adage that comes to my aid - "this too shall pass." Boy, I can hardly wait!
I've been re-evaluating my goals. I think I want to become a professor who inspires students to consider teaching. However, I will settle for a teacher who is fair and capable of adequately teaching the material at hand. Also, I want my research to somehow connect with the energy crisis facing the world. My other thought is that I could use my sabbaticals to spread education in remoter pockets of the world. I am definitely against evangelical approaches to "modern" education, so I hope that it would be a quid pro quo sort of deal where I would learn a lot and impart some useful modern world skills.
gtg..
Monday, June 30, 2008
it's true... life will smile for you...
life will smile for yoouuuuuuuuuuu..... *the axwell version of things...*
i've been reading answers.yahoo.com... its interesting to see the difficulties that people face and need help with. its also interesting to see the progression in technology and how so many fundamental processes of society have evolved. from writing to an expert at your local newspaper with a question, we've come to the age where you have an audience reach out with a response.
its great to see obviously silly, provocative questions being taken super seriously. sort of reminds me of the academic research arena.
feeling pretty relaxed at 12:20am. been reading a lot of what ails others and makes me realize that i'm not insane in overanalyzing things. i've been working harder at growing a thicker skin and not taking things so seriously. i think the saddest part of this process is having to accept a certain degree of cynicism in my general outlook to accept that some people are unpleasant/useless/generally a lot cause not worth even an iota of one's time. take for example my disastrous superviser for example. every day when i go to campus, i just remind myself constantly that i am not going to be led by a logical person, that i will be underappreciated and in all probability verbally/mentally abused by someone who is so inconsiderate that he doesn't even realize it!?!?
BUT... my salvation awaits me this december. he is a tool to help me get where i want to go. and beyond question, the man has taught me to not underestimate myself in the future and to not settle for less than what i want.
it's true, life will smile for you..
i've been reading answers.yahoo.com... its interesting to see the difficulties that people face and need help with. its also interesting to see the progression in technology and how so many fundamental processes of society have evolved. from writing to an expert at your local newspaper with a question, we've come to the age where you have an audience reach out with a response.
its great to see obviously silly, provocative questions being taken super seriously. sort of reminds me of the academic research arena.
feeling pretty relaxed at 12:20am. been reading a lot of what ails others and makes me realize that i'm not insane in overanalyzing things. i've been working harder at growing a thicker skin and not taking things so seriously. i think the saddest part of this process is having to accept a certain degree of cynicism in my general outlook to accept that some people are unpleasant/useless/generally a lot cause not worth even an iota of one's time. take for example my disastrous superviser for example. every day when i go to campus, i just remind myself constantly that i am not going to be led by a logical person, that i will be underappreciated and in all probability verbally/mentally abused by someone who is so inconsiderate that he doesn't even realize it!?!?
BUT... my salvation awaits me this december. he is a tool to help me get where i want to go. and beyond question, the man has taught me to not underestimate myself in the future and to not settle for less than what i want.
it's true, life will smile for you..
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Stories like this ... *sigh*
http://www.slate.com/id/2193851/pagenum/all/#page_start
I don't know if the guy is making this up. I am sure it happens. It takes all kinds to make this world go round. If you replace Brutus with an uninterested, incommunicative, brilliant but workaholic sheep, then I'd be Leonore ...
*sigh*
good thing i have my hemorrhaging thesis - takes my mind of Brutus.
I don't know if the guy is making this up. I am sure it happens. It takes all kinds to make this world go round. If you replace Brutus with an uninterested, incommunicative, brilliant but workaholic sheep, then I'd be Leonore ...
*sigh*
good thing i have my hemorrhaging thesis - takes my mind of Brutus.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I agree with most of this article.
http://www.slate.com/id/2190872/pagenum/all/#page_start
I feel miserably that sometimes my friends are deprived of an opportunity of eating at their favourite restaurant to accommodate me. I am really grateful, though, that my friends are not jackasses who are inconsiderate.
The blurring of journalistic lines by the media concerns me. A website like slate may be confused by some as a definitive news website. The distinction between editorials and straight up news pieces is vanishing; reading a few articles at the beeb will show you that some of their writers now tend to write blog style articles that aren't distinctly marked as blogs/editorials.
I'm rambling. I found two excellent songs by one outstanding artist this weekend -
Artist : Axwell
Songs : I Found You and Its true
I feel miserably that sometimes my friends are deprived of an opportunity of eating at their favourite restaurant to accommodate me. I am really grateful, though, that my friends are not jackasses who are inconsiderate.
The blurring of journalistic lines by the media concerns me. A website like slate may be confused by some as a definitive news website. The distinction between editorials and straight up news pieces is vanishing; reading a few articles at the beeb will show you that some of their writers now tend to write blog style articles that aren't distinctly marked as blogs/editorials.
I'm rambling. I found two excellent songs by one outstanding artist this weekend -
Artist : Axwell
Songs : I Found You and Its true
Friday, June 20, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Idiots in power piss me off!!!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7460767.stm
--> instead of spending money on alternate fuel technology, sink money into drilling off-shore. won't yield much, but gives you political momentum..
speaking of idiots in power - the prince of darkness is making my life hell... i am not going to let him control my life.
--> instead of spending money on alternate fuel technology, sink money into drilling off-shore. won't yield much, but gives you political momentum..
speaking of idiots in power - the prince of darkness is making my life hell... i am not going to let him control my life.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Iron Man!
Wow!! What an awesome, inspiring movie! It makes me so proud to be an engineer! And I'm soooo glad that they picked Robert Downey Jr. if he can bounce back from all the trouble that he has been in, then I can bounce back from my poor academic record... :-P
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Kravitz understands me... thinks/feels like me...
Acoustic version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P750Xyt6uU&feature=related
Commercial version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCpu20WxF4k&feature=related
As long as I'm breathing... I'll be waiting..
The conviction that I feel on a particular subject scares me. I'm a commitment-phobe of the nth degree and the fear that this decision induces in me is akin to riding down a really steep slope on a bike with failed brakes...
Contrary to everything my friends/family may think about me I take a lot of risks in my life. I have put money, figuratively, on people/ideas that no one would trust. I did it because I believed the payoff would be worth the risk and right now I feel the cost of inaction is higher than that of action. So, I'm taking the meager action that my situation permits and I am hoping that the celestial gears will click and that he who needs to wait will wait.. and see me when I need him to.
It is tough to manage or come to grips with a situation where all your efforts/hopes/desires/dreams really don't count. In controls speak, its when you let your system with marginally stable poles launch into its response with the hope that your extremely low gain inputs will affect the system and guide the poles to stability eventually.
I believe that if nothing else, courage of conviction will give you that peace of mind which lack of action never could. So, I hope that the universe doesn't hate me enough to thwart my machinations and that it lets me win just a couple of the next few rounds and lets me be happy for a short interval of time...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P750Xyt6uU&feature=related
Commercial version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCpu20WxF4k&feature=related
As long as I'm breathing... I'll be waiting..
The conviction that I feel on a particular subject scares me. I'm a commitment-phobe of the nth degree and the fear that this decision induces in me is akin to riding down a really steep slope on a bike with failed brakes...
Contrary to everything my friends/family may think about me I take a lot of risks in my life. I have put money, figuratively, on people/ideas that no one would trust. I did it because I believed the payoff would be worth the risk and right now I feel the cost of inaction is higher than that of action. So, I'm taking the meager action that my situation permits and I am hoping that the celestial gears will click and that he who needs to wait will wait.. and see me when I need him to.
It is tough to manage or come to grips with a situation where all your efforts/hopes/desires/dreams really don't count. In controls speak, its when you let your system with marginally stable poles launch into its response with the hope that your extremely low gain inputs will affect the system and guide the poles to stability eventually.
I believe that if nothing else, courage of conviction will give you that peace of mind which lack of action never could. So, I hope that the universe doesn't hate me enough to thwart my machinations and that it lets me win just a couple of the next few rounds and lets me be happy for a short interval of time...
Monday, April 28, 2008
songs that i like...
The Black Keys
Album: Attack & Release
Song: Psychotic Girl
Gnarls Barkley
Album: Odd Couple
Song: Who's Gonna Save My Soul
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89911762
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89911762
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Why NJ truly deserves to be considered an armpit.
Whilst snooping around my highschool group on orkut (haven't been there is an eternity) I noticed that a certain horrible female, boy I'm trying really hard not to use the word BITCH, but its too much effort... the BITCH that made my life in highschool hell is in NJ, making it a true cesspool of human scum.
\calmer - BITCH! \happier for having gotten that off my chest.
\calmer - BITCH! \happier for having gotten that off my chest.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
All this time.. and Robert Miles is still awesome...
I heard Robert Miles' Children on my Last.fm account and I must say that his music has something so calming in it that it ought to be bottled and sold as cough syrup. What an interesting thought, if we could categorize music as pharmacological products based on their effects on us, I wonder what the results would be for some of the more ecelectic genres of music. Ofcourse, all the amphetamines and psychotropic elements will be reserved for the dance/trance/electronica/ambient folks, but what about rock? Or hiphop? Or Kate Bush?
I'm 25 now! A little apprehensive, but mostly ready to take new challenges head on.
I'm 25 now! A little apprehensive, but mostly ready to take new challenges head on.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Speaking of Aussies... the Tennis Open...
is going to be awesome!! I really liked this kid Cilic from Yugoslavia. The way he outplayed and really outclasses Gonzalez was truly impressive. I was rooting for Grosjean (he's kind of hot) in his game against Blake; kudos to Blake, though, for recovering from being 2 sets down.
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Now playing: White Town - Your Woman
via FoxyTunes
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Now playing: White Town - Your Woman
via FoxyTunes
Hooray!! India beat the Aussies!!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/cricket/7197539.stm
Times like this, I wish I was back home to experience the drama and elation!!
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Now playing: White Town - Your Woman
via FoxyTunes
Times like this, I wish I was back home to experience the drama and elation!!
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Now playing: White Town - Your Woman
via FoxyTunes
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