vaiby!!

i was just at my friend vaibhav's orkut profile thingy. i was struck by the fact that i have been friends with vaibhav for close to 8 years and never met him in my life!! i have spoken to him on the phone, i think about 6-7 times and i think that includes googletalk voice chats as well.

i randomly met vaibhav on icq. i had just started using internet then and vaiby used to siphon off stolen internet accounts to me! :P (i did the pro-open source thing ofcourse and in turn spread the word to my friend, vaiby knew of this) i remember talking to him and his brother a lot.. i'd spend hours on the internet back then.. i remember he coached me on how to install norton antivirus.. it was one of the first things i ever installed on my computer!!

vaiby is a super close friend.. its strange.. i pour my heart out to him and he always sits and listens to me and offers me comfort and solace. i hope i can repay him in someway. you rock vaiby!

note to self - artists to look out for

moodyman - the dancer dj tonka mix

touche - command me

ofra haza - im nin alu (i used to have this a long time ago!!!)

mc solaar - La Belle et le Bad Boy

prodigy - out of space

aberfeldy - do whatever turns you on


--
http://www.strangeplaces.net/weirdthings/haiku.html

basement jaxx - broken dreams.

think i finally gave up on something impossibe today. feel a little numb. today is my sister's 34th birthday!! happy birthday akka!!

the bad thing about having a memory is that you can remember all the painful stuff. the good thing is that you sometimes remember some really happy things that make you smile and know that you are loved.

i know i'm loved, i just wish some of the people that loved me, and that i can stand at this moment in life, were here. i know myself, i can't stand riff-raff. refuse to socialize with annoying people who only add drama and irritation to my life. i am picky and everything horrible, deal with it! its who i have been right since childhood - kathy once gave me a key chain that said "i'm right! its the world that's wrong". unfortunately, that captures the essence of my soul, even though i don't necessarily subscribe to that point of view any more.

when did all this maintenance crap creep into life? when did working mean that you barely made enough to make ends meet? when did being single mean that you were lonely? growing old sucks. i still feel like a child, still feel like a teenager that needs to be looked out for rather than be doing the looking out and paying bills etc.

it just flashed in my brain! being in charleston is kind of like aging, you wish to god you could undo the process and get out, but there is no way out!! i say charleston, but really i mean where i am in life, with regards to my career and personal life.

i am trying to be positive and happy (it doesn't show?). its really hard for me right now, life is in a slightly shitty place (no pun intended or may be it is, who knows these days?) and there are precious few supports in life. i am trying to learn that i am my biggest resource. (pun intended?)

and oh, by the way, i realized that there are many forms of masochism and that one of the most annoying kind is that of the person who works himself to death and doesn't have time to spend on new friends!! :-P (its my blog, i can abuse/disabuse at my pleasure, and i choose to exercise that right!! yeah!)

something i firmly believe in...

A myth is a fixed way of looking at the world which cannot be destroyed because, looked at through the myth, all evidence supports the myth. -Edward De Bono, consultant, writer, and speaker (1933- )

3/July/2006 (I liked this one)
The further one grows spiritually, the more and more people one loves and the fewer and fewer people one likes. -Gale D. Webbe, clergyman and author (1909-2000)

"Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true."
- HL Mencken

willy's....

my favouritest place to eat in all of atlanta.. is a burrito chain called willy's!! it rocks, what can one say? it is the closest to soul food that i have ever been.. i have cheated on willy's just once since coming here, and it was on the border.. so i don't think it counts.. :P

i have always tried to figure out what makes me like a song, dunno why, call me self-absorbed.. umm, i always figured i'd never get into anyone else's thoughts so why bother understanding why they like something, its a task i am bound to fail in...not that i am not interested, some people, i want to know why they like music.. most, i don't care.. :P

anyway.. i am listening to paul mccartney's "This never happened before"... what am i thinking? i see a couple slow dancing.. a strong chap .. lots of affection.. paul mccartney's voice.. gorgeous! the couple knows they are going to be together forever! few scenes from the lake house.. umm.. mostly i see keanu reeves :P (thank god he bulked up some for this movie! he could have never pulled of this movie without being just slightly more solid).. evening! its evening time! curtains billowing in the wind..

wonder how much of my fantasy is programmed by consumerism..

i guess the thing i like best about this song, is that its about someone who loves and is not unhappy! he has secured the object of his affection.. "this is the way it should be"... also, the tune is just a wee bit melancholic.. so he's been through something to get here...

*sigh*

i have decided that i am going to be my positive self. even if it means being mean to some people, that is part of who i am. my negativity is exhausting, i can't let confusion and chaos rule, life is too short! life is beautiful and there are so many things still to be done!! so many people to hear from.. i'm getting a car soon!!

those days when you wish you couldn't type/speak

i'm experiencing one of those days when i wish i couldn't communicate my thoughts, or some of them, to people. not that i am claiming that i communicate what i think to people effectively on any other day. no, my miscommunications would outnumber the alligators in this city, would outnumber the cumulative number of milk teeth being broken across this universe and all other exisiting universes, would outnumber the count of times that i have replayed the paul mccartney song from the lake house soundtrack, would outnumber the times that i thought typing in all lower case was cooler than speaking in leet... you get the idea.. i am sure..

i feel caged. in so many ways. (i'm not going to launch in another tirade about how many ways, who has the patience?) i feel impatient, insecure, alone, lonely, inferior, insane, stupid, unhealthy, insolvent, incompetent, inept... why am i miring myself in this negativity?!?!

fudge... fudge.. fudge....!!!!!!!!! wish i could exorcise the demons of my mind!

type = toilet

here's a funny story... (atleast i think its funny, if you don't.. well... don't read the damn blog then! :-P)

when i was little, i didn't speak english much or even understand it, until maybe i was 4-5 years old. my mother used to allow us (my sister, brother and i) one movie rental a week. it would always end up with my brother and sister (who were much older and spoke english very fluently) wanting to watch an english movie and my resisting their dominance because i didn't understand the language and always voting/vetoing in favour of a hindi movie.

well, my brother and sister started to explain to me that we'd rent an indian, hindi movie, except that all the actors would speak in english. my woefully teeny brain fell prey to their evil, conniving scheme and i heartily agreed to watch their stupid "hindi" movies where all the actors were westerners who spoke in english...

two good songs.

Title: 'DON'T MISTAKE ME'
Artist: KEISHA WHITE
Album: (CD SINGLE)
Label: KOROVA


Title: 'FILL MY LITTLE WORLD'
Artist: THE FEELING
Album: (CD SINGLE)
Label: UNIVERSAL ISLAND

*shrug* eh...

i was hopping on caffiene/adrenalin at about 3pm today. was genuinely interested in what i worked on today! i think i must be a most annoying person when i am buzzed/hopping/whatever..
here's the thing, olivia joules has this rule of living, "don't think about anyone else, no one else is thinking of you"... /me supresses a self-loathing rant blah blah blah..bleep bleep bleep.. wish my granny had been allowed to dominate my mum 24 years ago. my family would have been happier and the world would have been a better place..

fudge!

dirty dishes in the dish washer!

that's right, i didn't get the laundry done, i didn't clean the apartment, but i sorted my kitchen out. almost. i'll get to a clean apartment and clean clothes, by the end of this week. that's my promise to myself. another promise to myself, will work out each day this week, if at work then so be it. can't afford to not, have a kayaking trip coming up where i cannot wimp out!

ordered the soundtrack to the lake house. spoke with my brother for a couple of hours. spoke with virginia for a couple of hours.

to strive, to seek, to find and not to yield. (my mantra that i am trying to feverishly hold on to.. )
additional mantras.. don't be a pain in the butt of people that you like. if you screw up, be ready to apologize and remember that the most important part of an apology is to never repeat the mistake again if you can avoid it. beware of your words, for once uttered from your lips, you will never be able to take them back and undo any damage caused by them.

soy un perdedor..

we have all the time in the world.. time enough for life to unfold..

solved my first single digit percentile medium sudoku listening to good ol louis armstrong..

not laugh out loud.. but why i love this author

There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don?t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.
- Kurt Vonnegut

foot in mouth disease = story of my life

verbal diarrhoea.... spoken incontinence... whatever you want to call it.. for someone who loves words so much, they definitely desert me when i need them to form a single coherent thought..

gawd!

go listen to the paul macartney track from The Lake House soundtrack.. redeem a few precious minutes of your life from the mindless drivel that you subject it to day in and day out.. and oh, if you go watch the Lake House, don't be an ass and rip on the plot line issue, some movies don't need a damn plot line, it is the fricking thought/feeling behind the effort that is the point.. i heart The Lake House! (should I go watch it a second time ?) probably not good for my brain right now... but its *such* a good movie!

(pssst.. I know claire and bobby live and die by the rottentomatoes rating, so please don't tell them i said this.. but rottentomatoes gave TLH 39%! it sucks!!)

Engelbert Humperdinck

First and foremost, let me point out that the dude's last name is something out of the Princess Bride. Secondly, I haven't heard much of this person's music, in fact I have heard exactly one song by this person. Google reveals that he is a Christian singer, I picked that much up by the lyrics of Blessed Be Your. I was listening to a friend's collection of radio stuff and came across this file.

I don't know if Wired or any of the powers that be of coolness have done a study on why a person loves a certain song. I am sure someone somewhere has tried to quantify this, it would definitely help boost record sales. Anyway, I love a song more because of how I feel when I hear that song. I might love the stupidest little beat in a completely mediocre song and it'll still be on my "songs I really, really like" list.

I find the thought of religion very, very comforting. It is such a comfortable blanket to slumber under. It would take away my burden of responsibilities and protect me. Its too bad that I can't convince myself of organized religion, then I wouldn't have to search for my own path. But, being who I am, I have to find my own answers. I am OK with the thought of no comfort blanket, its hard but I'll manage.

This one song that I am talking about, its amazing in the way it just absolves and abjures all of my internal turmoil. You just want to lose yourself in *something*. Novocaine for the soul! He has an awesome voice and the song does an awesome job of just evoking the relief one would feel at having all control taken away.

My poor little brain is burdened with a lot right now. Everyone's is. I can only deal with my lot and it seems that right now some good ol Christian music will save my sanity.

Soy un perdedor

la la la la la... (too bad you can't hear me hum..)

these days i have taken to randomly shaking my head... soy un perdedor...beck's a genius.

Five stars for the Lake House

sure the reference to Perusasion was a little weak.. and a few other issues, but really, this is one <"chick flick"> that me likey!! :)

Goodbye Harriet.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5109342.stm

:(

Baby's first medium sudoku.

I made yet another decision today. Its done.

not much to say today.. some thoughts..not too many

When I think of the book that I am reading right now, the one thought that hits me the hardest is that it is about a break up. Actually, 290 pages into it, and the broken up couple are passionately indulging in an affair. But, she is married and has a child. I am pretty sure nothing good will ever come out of it.

Something I have always pondered, should one forgive a lover who cheats? On the one hand there is the argument that if you love a person, you forgive everything. On the other hand, some wounds run deep. Somethings you don't forgive, like betrayal of trust. And then there's the question of trust. Isn't trust everything? Not just in a romantic relation, in every relation.

I will forgive a friend everything, as long as I trust their faith/friendship/love for me and know that they didn't wantonly hurt me. I don't doubt the veracity of that statement, I have lived it! However, the question that I have struggled a lot with is where do you draw the line? Sometimes, people can't help repeating their mistake. Is it because they don't care that it hurts you or that they don't even realize that they are doing it? Do you even forgive them if it is the latter and you've already given them a number of chances?

Actually, I don't want to pursue this thought. It is depressing and basically, I am tired.. thoughts are wandering. My brain is caught up in the book. I need to clean my apartment and do my laundry and work out!!

Read a book, it kills the boredom somewhat.

42...

friends on the facebook..

here are a few of my favourite quotes from that most celebrated book and its sequels...

(holy mackarel(sp?)!! no websites with any super cool quotes that come up easily... ).. (my resolve to not swear until the end of the month stands strong... )

so here's the celebrated 42 quote that i did find in 5 mins of searching.. (that i liked)..

Alright," said Deep Thought. "The Answer to the Great Question..."

"Yes ...!"
"Of Life, the Universe, and Everything ..." said Deep Thought.
"Yes ...!"
"Is ..." said Deep Thought, and paused.
"Yes ...!"
"Is ..."
"Yes ...!!!...?"

"Forty-two," said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.

---- and a few others..

"Yeah, listen, I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox, my father was Zaphod Beeblebrox the Second, my grandfather was Zaphod Beeblebrox the Third..."

"What?"

"There was an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine."

---

"But Mr Dent, the plans have been available in the local planning office for the last nine month."

"Oh yes, well as soon as I heard I went straight round to see them, yesterday afternoon. You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them, had you? I mean, like actually telling anybody or anything."

"But the plans were on display ..."

"On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them."

"That's the display department."

"With a flashlight."

"Ah, well the lights had probably gone."

"So had the stairs."

"But look, you found the notice didn't you?"

"Yes," said Arthur, "yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard'."

Sorry about the crappy formatting.. blogger's editor has issues.. and its too late to sit and fix the damn html right now.. :P

Jazz.. a wonderful book.. and my confused thoughts..

I spoke with my brother yesterday. He helped me see things a little more clearly. I need to bring a little stillness to my heart and head. React too quickly and too much.

Anyway, life is OK.. work is actually picking up.. I have convinced myself that everything will work out to what it has to. Seems like a nice segway into the discussion of how can one do anything but be a Darwinian and believe in a god at the same time? I am agnostic. I don't know if there is a divine being who takes care of everything for you. Or, just looks over you. In my own stupid world, *nothing* really, really matters / holds firm - everything is relative. Still, there is a double standard there too, somethings, like justice and honesty are absolute. Basically, there is a reason why I loved the notion of fuzzy logic so much; it seems to be the foundation of my thinking. Anyway, going back to my thought, everytime I tell myself to calm down and that what is going to be is going to be, I wonder if that means that I belong to the "life is random and chaos will do what it will" school of thought or the "everything is preordained and nothing we say/do can change things" school of thought. Guess that's called a paradox?

I am learning to be happy here, it comes in small steps. However, my life has this curious tendency of placing the most amazing setbacks in my path. I imagine everyone feels like that about their life. My brother told me that I need to see everything as a challenge that I will conquer. Bring it on! People have seen worse things in life, as have I - there is nothing that Charleston or indeed any human being can throw at me that I can't handle.

Believe me, I don't want to be someone who whines all the time. I wasn't. I was cool, a long time ago! Well, I'm on my way back to cooldom.. have some truly awesome things planned for when the car comes.. and blown through a 150 pages of my book since Sunday night, should be done Thursday. Then it won't be a book a week, it'll be a book in 5 days! :)

(And oh! I decided to branch out on the music shows that I listen to on the BBC, yet again. Gone back to Jazz and the classics. Note to self: Must look for good radio channels online that are free!)

Some school pride.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/5097774.stm

I'm a ramblin wreck from Georgia Tech and a hellva an engineer!

2%!!!!!! 2%!!!!!!!!! 2%!!!!!!! Just like the milk I like to drink!!

I did this all by myself!! OMG!! Who would have thought the day would come?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!

This could possible be my happiest day this year!!

Free as a bird.. in roughly 10 months' time...

I made a decision today and I am very, very happy for it. Life is too short! That is the lesson for today. Life is too short!! Not enough time to do all that I want to do, especially given the fact that I am lazier than most imaginable lazy creatures. I refuse to be miserable! (Although being in Cha-shitty-ton makes it a bit of a challenge!)

I am going to try and curb my potty mouth after today. I have indulged in weakness for long enough. I have seen the worst time in my life ever. I know for a fact that nothing will ever be worse than that which has already come to pass. So, I am going to just live my days through this.

Some thoughts about another subject that has been on my mind of late: I can't force my friendship/company on anyone. I don't even want to!! I don't want to manipulate people, or have them feel obligated to me. I like hanging out with people I like, a lot! At the same time though, I would hate for any feeling but that of friendship and absolute amicability/affection to reside in that relationship. Sure people get on each others' nerves.. but so long as that connection of the hearts exists, and I am talking about platonic but deep friendship here, the friendship should survive!!

A lot of thoughts in my itty-bitty little brain. But I know this, I am a free person, and I am going to make my dreams come true, the ones that I can anyway.

OMFG!! OMFG!! This place JUST hit a brand new low!!

It is 3:f***ing45am right now. Believe you me, they DO NOT HAVE A SINGLE CAB IN MOUNT PLEASANT!! Would I please call them at 4:30am?????????


WTF!!!! WTF!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no words left.. none... except.. WTF?!!!?!??!??!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

Danger captured in sound..

I recently found a copy of some of my music CDs from 2002 and 2004. Its interesting to see how one's music collection changes with time. Anyway, I came across Massive Attack's Dissolved Girl. I remember this track very, very well. It was one of my "coding" songs. I remember many a night spent at the College of Computing (CoC) when I would start my all nighter with this song. This song captures the "coding" frame of mind for me.

Code can be so powerful, like any medium of language!! Code could save lives or take it - depends on the competence and intentions of the person writing it. This song embodies the concept of danger - mortal or otherwise. Its the mother of "shit! i could kill someone with any single of my actions" (which is strange for me to feel - I don't even play violent computer games other than PacMan and other nerdo- DOS based stuff!!) songs. I just wrote and deleted that I am not a psycho/weirdo - but who would believe me? For what its worth though, I think I am borderline normal with a touch of kookiness, nothing malignant or malicious :)

This is arguably my favourite song from the Matrix soundtrack. When I'd open my code editor to this music, I'd feel these uber-cool euro-punk sunglasses descend on my face and I felt like this is it - the night is mine, I am here to get this shit done... and I am gonna!! If I sound like a nerd, so be it.. you need something to get you through a night of coding, and this song was one of the many crutches that I leant on to get through college.

Speaking of ubercool europunk sunglasses, I miss my hippy, John-Lennon circular, blue sunglasses terribly!

Anyway, I have not accomplished any task from my agenda. I have enough clean clothes to carry me through a couple of days more and Sadoff is someone I need to attack in a completely positive frame of mind, so I am pushing that to Wednesday.

I am now reading Vikram Seth's An Equal Music: A Novel. It is depressing, maybe that's why it is appeals to me - misery loves company!! It is also about a break up - *shrug*. I don't have much to say on the subject of breakups, except that with people with courage, atleast, it is an active, yes, this is what is up sort of deal. My only experience in this department dragged on for years and I am sure I have still not dealt with all my anger on that subject yet. Does it even count as a breakup when the other person never loved you, ever?

I have decided that once Mr. Darcy comes into my life, for so my long awaited and still not on the horizon car will be christened (or hindued?), I am going to start volunteering like crazy!! It will be good to be wanted and appreciated.

Here's to a week of liking work, getting to work whenever the fuck I choose and enjoying the wonderful new books that I bought this weekend!!!

All your base are belong to us!!!!

I love the fact that the wikipedia has an entry dedicated to this phenomena from my freshman year!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_your_base_are_belong_to_us

You can watch the original video at:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/11940

I miss freshman year, life was simpler and happier. I wish I could be five again. /me gives the blog a hug

kya se kya ho gaya...

kya se kya ho gaya...
bewafa tere pyaar maine..

chaha kya..
kya mila..
bewafa tere pyaar maine..

chalo suhana bharam toh toota..
jaana ke husna kya hain..
chalo suhana bharam toh toota..
jaana ke husna kya hain..

kehti hain jisko pyaar duniya..
kya cheez kya bala hain..

dil ne kya naa saha..
bewafa tere pyaar maine..

chaha kya.. kya mila..
bewafa tere pyaar maine..

tere mere dil ke beech ab toh sadiyon ke faasale hain..
tere mere dil ke beech ab toh sadiyon ke faasale hain..
yakeen hoga kise ke hum tum ik raah sangh chale hain.
hona hain aur kya
bewafa tere pyaar maine

kya se kya ho gaya..
bewafa tere pyaar maine

after 3 years of eyeing it..

I can't explain what I am going through in this place. I am not suffering from any acute conditions - life is not too bad, but life is not what I had hoped it would be, and some stuff has gone unexpectedly bad. I am a mercurial person, if ever I knew one. I hate insipidity and today was an insipid day up unto the point when I decided to drag my ass to the closeby mall and kill some time at the local Barnes and Nobles.

I bought 2 books - one by Vonnegut and one by Seth. I loved Slaughterhouse 5, Cat's cradle (all by Vonny) and this one other book that I read, whose name I can't remember any more, it was about this dude who used to spontaneously travel in time and space? I will always have a soft corner in my heart for Indian authors who can write well. I loved A Suitable Boy (Seth). I read it in the summer of 2003. It was a great summer, I lived in the ULC with Johanna and that was the summer I was introduced to Weezer, Felicity and the WE channel.

I then sauntered over to Belk and bought myself Happy, the Clinique perfume. Claire's owned it forever and ever since I first smelt it three years ago, I have secretly coveted it. Perfumes are expensive indulgences, I can more easily justify buying a book than buying perfume. Whatever, I felt like today was the day I needed a little Clinique manufactured Happy in my life. And now, its mine!!

Went back to B and N to kill some more time. Found a DVD set of Persuasion the movie and the book. Must say that I am disappointed. The only Austen books that I didn't like were Northanger Abbey (which was just a little weird) and Emma (hate that type of personality - reminds me of too many people that I know). I didn't like the movie adaptation of Mansfield Park. I expected a lot of Ciaran Hinds. Must admit that I am a little disappointed. Umm, I wouldn't have spent the 20 somethings bucks that I did if I had watched the movie before. That's one for Blockbustering. Still, I thought the actress who played Anne did a decent job, lovely eyes.

Anyway, turns out that if B and N calls the stupid cab company, they show up in 10 mins flat. So, here's a lesson learnt, next time I am at B and N, get them to call the stupid cab!!

*sigh*

Ignoring the blatant sexism.. an inspirational poem!!

If - by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise.

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

We studied this poem at some point in high school, probably around 8th/9th standard (grade). Its easy to establish high standards in one's life, its really hard to maintain them.

who cares if people think i am ridiculous?

i opened pasta jar number 2 without any assistance!!! with my injured left hand too!!! woohoo!!


/me gives the blog a hug..

gymnophobia!!! not exactly what you think it is..

ho hum i'm bored.. what's new?

anyway, i was trawling imdb.. yep.. back to one of my all time favourite haunts.. and i was looking at the trivia for a certain show.. if you look up gymnophobia and watch the show.. i think it'll jump out at you.. and i came across this.. and i was just tickled pink! (my left palm is still swollen and pink, and it tickles/itches! fyi~)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gymnophobia
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=gymnophobia&db=*

agenda for today.. email sadoff? (probably not going to happen)... knock out one chapter of .NET junk, play around with the lappy 2. (lappy austero?) .. get some laundry done? (falls in the same category as the sadoff email).. and read cloud atlas!!!

note to self - wiki book page.

http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Main_Page

I am assuming that no one is reading this page - so I am using it as my "portable" notepad.. :P

In limbo.. and on my way to sicky land.

A few weeks ago, I felt the stirrings of a cough within my system. Today, I feel the monster get ready to rear its ugly head into my life. I think being bit by some weird bug that has left my palm swollen might have further lowered my immunity.

Apparently when you move to the place that I can't name without swearing, you open the door to incredibly painful headaches, tummy troubles, cough cooties and extremely poor customer service. (I was catching up with a friend this weekend and rather foolishly relived those incredibly painful days. Sears!!!) If anyone objects to the unfairness of my complaints, let me appall you further. While I cannot go into serious detail about the circumstances, because it may open some other Pandora's box, something happened that is diametrically opposite to one of my chief complaints about this place. (It is not anyone that I know in Charleston, its someone that I didn't know before a certain day this week, anyway. Its me being a paranoid idiot, but really, I feel a little overwhelmed with the attention.) However, this instance feels genuinely scary and stifling. I feel like I am suffering from the "whiner's Goldilocks syndrome", there is no winning with me right now.

Ofcourse, I will always remember that my problems are nothing compared to people with issues of survival in life, finding food for one's family and all other such dismal and depressing matters. Its yet another irony that I have always struggled to understand in life, how one can get equally worked about the trivial and the important... the human mind is a funny, frail, fickle thing..

If you hate me for my shallowness etc. etc.. get in line..

Something to make you think..

Quote of the Day - Oscar Wilde - "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."

Cinderella and the snickers bar...

Cinderella was sad and listening to Aretha Franklin's "I say a little prayer to you", moved to tears by the ethereal beauty of the diva's voice. Unbeknownst to herself, CinCin suffered from an eating disorder. Wrapped in her adoration for the dulcet tones emnating from the long lost siren , she reached out for her plate of chocolate syrup to drown her emotions. Instead of the comforting sweetness that she expected to find, she found herself facing two pills; one was blue and one was green. Normally, all the uppers and downers that CinCin consumed were well hidden from plain sight, but apparently she'd tripped enough last time to forget to stash away her psychedelic paraphernalia.

A wave of revulsion and disgust swept her at the sight of these pills. She impulsively decided that she would no longer choose to be a selfmedicating, chocolate syrup eating zombie. (I decided that it would be super-depressing to write about a druggie. Besides, I've never tripped in my life! Except on caffeine, and the last experience left much to be desired. 18/June/2006)


(19/June/2006)CinCin successfully substituted her substance dependance with a sudoku addiction! This was a healthier alternative - not only did it enhance her mental abilities, but it also prevented her body from rotting away. CinCin also took to chewing gum compulsively. (21/June/2006) CinCin decided that she was going to achieve something new in life. She decided to do one new thing a day.

(22/June/2006) The first day she decided she was going to speak to a random stranger for an hour and have a wonderful time getting to know this stranger. She met a sad beggar who was humming the bars for the Bohemian Rhapsody. She engaged him in conversation and to her complete and utter surprise discovered that she was talking to Freddie Mercury!! Freddie had decided that he wanted to experience life in a truly unique fashion and so had arranged for an elaborate goodbye to the world, so he could enjoy his anonymity. It thrilled and intrigued Cinderella that Mercury was pretending to be a beggar out of pure curiosity. As the sand grains fell away from the hour glass, Cinderella said goodbye to Freddie, internally baffled by the riddle of his life.


(23/June/2006) The next day, Cinders felt that she had spoken enough and exhausted herself emotionally. So she decided to give herself a break and slept in the entire day, which was something that her wicked step mommy didn't encourage much at all! But, our little Cinderella was a courageous lass and she slumbered calmly on whilst her evil sisters tried incessantly to awaken her.

Bored enough to start telling stories..

OK, its 12:18am - I have to leave my apartment in less than 5 hours for work and I can't sleep! So, I trawled a few blogs, just to see what's out there.. people write a lot of truly tedious stuff!! I suppose not everyone can keep up with scintillating material such as this blog's.

Anyway, the point of this post.. is that the next post is going to be a story. I shall add one new line to the story each day. There shall be no premeditation involved in this story, its a thought experiment, if it fails.. I'll blame it on Charles-boringass-fuckswithyourmind-ton. I apologize for the language , its hard to keep the profanity at bay when your life has become an endless game of "what can i do today so i don't die of boredom".

Here's to some sleep..

Oh! I promise to not kill the main character off in some freakishly, faux-humourous manner.. if the character dies, you can assume that it moved to Charleston and was too bored to remember to breathe.

happy 50th post.. belated..

this is the 52nd post for my little blog. not all of them have been published... but still.. who would have thought that whatever i am going through over here would have lasted this long? things are what they are.. and i suppose they will be what they will be...

wanted to say that i saw the newer season of that 70s show on tv while i was working out.. its really rather sad.. the show's writers have abandoned their standards.. where are the people who wrote that line.. "'coz you're breaking the band, yoko!!!!" i absolutely love that line.. its simply brilliant beyond words..

i love aretha franklin.. her version of "I say a little prayer" is the best i have ever heard!!

page 60ish of the cloud atlas.. its really starting to pick up too.. think i am going to start doing the book a week thing again. amazon prime rocks!

note to self - artist to look out for

Teddy Geiger

Did you know...

Random facts about Freddie Mercury's (nee? Bulsara) birth place..
"On August 27, 1896, the short Anglo-Zanzibar War broke out over the succession of Sultan Hamad bin Thuwaini and ended with the accession of British client Sultan Hamoud bin Mohammed. The war is the shortest war in history; Zanzibar surrendered after 45 minutes [1]. Acquiescing to British demands, Hamoud brought an end to Zanzibar's role as a centre for the eastern slave trade that had begun under Omani rule in 17th Century by banning slavery and freeing the slaves of Zanzibar with compensation in 1897."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zanzibar

2 mins and 35 seconds..

I play sudoku compulsively. Yesterday, I timed an easy (sigh) sudoku at 2 mins and 35 seconds. I was a little jazzed (tired, not code for anything more nefarious) and forgot to look up the statistics for my performance. but I am pretty convinced that if I didn't move from the top 3% (approximatel 2 mins and 40 seconds) to top 1% then atleast I moved up to the top 2%.

Good work for an evening when I felt like crying Tech Support!! Tech Support!! ala Vanilla Sky.

You know the city you live in sucks when the cab takes an hour at 3:30am!!

And now, back to the studio! ;)

Poem from 3rd grade.. still beautiful!

Leisure by William Henry Davies.

What is life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile hey eyes began.

A poor life this is if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

I was taught this poem in 3rd standard (aka grade). I was always impressed by the message. Sometimes, it may be worth one's while to stand back, take a breath and re-assess one's priorities in life. You may end up chasing something that you never wanted in the first place...

Song for the day: This could be your lucky day in hell - The Eels.

Sure the C-word sucks.. but its beautiful on a rainy day!!

A lot of little random thoughts for today:

1. This has been nagging me for about a month now. If anyone ever said the words "You're being such a bitch" in anger to me, speak up!! I have forgotten who said those words to me, and its really starting to bug me now. I don't think I am angry about those words now, although I bet the knowing the context might change that. I just need to know who said it to me and why. All those who said the big, bad B word, raise your hands!

2. I know what I am going to name my car. It just came to me today. My first car will be a boy, yes... and he shall be named after the only man I have truly like liked since the tender age of 13! Anyone care to venture a guess? (I think at this point I am pretending that someone reads the drivel I publish here - although sincerely, I hope that no one does!)

3. I made a list of the new languages that I intend to learn in my lifetime:
- French
- Spanish
- Italian
- German
- Russian
- Sanskrit
- Arabic

I will be happy if I can read a French book by the end of October this year.

4. I recently posted that the website: www.musicovery.com is truly awesome. While this is perfectly true, I am very sad to announce that they had to pull their website down. Apparently too many people used the website and they couldn't afford to stay in business. I sent them an encouraging email and conveyed my hopes of their swift return.

5. I need to start reading again and doing something useful with my brain. (45 pages into Cloud Atlas and 60 pages into Olivia Joules and her overactive imagination - although I have read the latter before, not exactly heavy duty reading).

Artist recommendation for the day: Yann Tiersen. truly awesome composer, imho!!

Wow!! This workout stuff really works!!!!!!!!!

I am very proud to announce that I opened the jar of Roasted Vegetable Pasta Sauce (365 brand) all by myself!!! No hot water trick or anything!!!!!



Hooray!!!

On my way to my super self!

3 days and counting... 1.87 miles (give or take..)today...


To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield!!

The sad thing is..

Everything said and done, I would have opened my big, fat mouth again - because I felt the friend needed to hear that. *I* am such an annoying person!!!

I'm really tired..

Its been a long day. I think I just opened my mouth once too often today. I hate my habit of being a mother goose. Its amazing, I am one of the most appalling people I know! I have no right to be dishing out advice, least of all that which is unsolicited!! I claim that it was said with the most benign intention of helping a friend back to sanity. But really, who am I to advise anyone about anything!!?!!

Well, it looks like its going to be a day of some good ol, well deserved Charu bashing. (I do believe that is the first time I have used my own name on this blog, ever!!) I taught Erin the term emotional fuckwittage - months ago! She used it yesterday when we were discussing someone and she said "so.. he was an emotional fuckwit, right?!" I was struck! When I am a mother goose, the best I can impart is the concept of emotional fuckwittage - I'd cry if I didn't find it so funny!!

I have nothing real to complain about. I live in a fabulous apartment, I have a decent job, I have books, a computer and the internet. I have some truly fabulous friends, albiet they are very far away and have lives, as opposed to yours truly. I just wish
1. I knew how to keep my big, fat mouth shut
2. I had a brain, so I could excel at work
3. I was a different, better person..

Wish I could be five again. Life was good then...

OMG! What an awesome site!!

http://www.musicovery.com/


Here's a song I need to get sometime soon - Talvin Singh - Traveler. The song in the background is this awesome song that I have been trying to find forever!!

I really hate repeating myself.. but here goes...

Welcome to a land where cabs take an hour or more to respond to your SOS signals! Welcome to the city where the cab companies don't bother using a modicum of intelligence, courtesy or caller ID to keep track of their fares. Welcome to Charleston!!


Now I know that I have whined a LOT about this place. A lot of it stems from my not owning a car. Some of it stems from my social displacement that I am slowly learning to deal with. Still, there is something to be said about wailing about the flaws of this place. Sure downtown in great! But can ya get to downtown without having to wait for a cab for a gazillion minutes?!?! Sure the people are courteous and friendly, but how many of them will let you into their lives? Sure the food at Hymans' downtown is great and their service rocks, but can a vegetarian eat anything other than fries there?!?! (OK, I know that one is unreasonable... but I just ran out of steam).

I think I need to quote Freddie Mercury.. "I think I'm going slightly mad... I think I'm going slightly mad... "...

*Sigh*

Nadal ends Federer dream in Paris

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/tennis/5059176.stm


For what its worth, I wanted Federrer to not win, because I think we will see better play from him as long as he is still pursuing the Grand Slam... at the same time.. me no likey Nadal...

Wake up!!! Its a beautiful morning!!

Need to get this song at some point - happy, get stuff done sort of song!

Title: 'WAKE UP BOO'
Artist: THE BOO RADLEYS
Album: UNTITLED
Label: GLOBAL TELEVISION

Petsmart woman and her boobs...

So, this morning I decided to be the empowered, independent and super fantastic soul that I can be from time to time and walked approximately 2 miles to the shopping centre area close by. I got there and decided that I wanted the peace and calm that one only experiences at Petsmart. (Also I decided that poor old Fitzy deserves a treat - water treatment junk.)

Anyway, long story short, I got into this conversation with the very nice Petsmart lady. For some reason, I unburdened some of my soul to her and we were talking for about 20 minutes. At some point, (and I won't tell you how we got there) she told me the story of how she considered getting larger boobs for her first husband. But it was a toss up between larger boobs and a car - and the car won out. I did my bit in being supportive by telling her that she great boobs!! It probably went over well because I was a female, but really, I can be an amazingly "foot in mouth"/cheeky person sometimes. I just get such a serious kick out of saying outrageous junk that may get into trouble. Its so much fun to push buttons and limits!!!

Sometimes I scare myself, just a teensy weensy bit.

New(?) Paul Simon song - me likey!

Title: '50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER'
Artist: PAUL SIMON
Album: PAUL SIMON - NEGOTIATIONS & LOVE SO
Label: WARNER BROS

I love Paul Simon's voice. I loved the soundtrack to The Graduate. I need to watch that movie again.

I should be cleaning the apartment, and I am going to. Have friends coming over to the apartment and it must be upto the Charlestonian standards. I think a score 8/10 on the cleanliness inspection will be acceptable.

New mission in life: Read a book in French by the end of the year. (Who knows, if I achieve that by say October, I will start on a second book!)

More on Ulysses and my little existential crisis...

Lately I have been pondering a lot about where I am, why I am here and where I go from here. I am in Charleston, SC - doing something that is getting to be interesting, but really, in all honesty, I hate this work. I am also wondering what sort of a person I am. I don't think I recall feeling a single, burning, overwhelming passion for my academic pursuits in the last decade, almost. I have certainly pulled my share of all nighters as an undergraduate - is that the index of passion for what you do? Will I ever feel the need to wake up from sleep, having just realized what the solution to a work related problem is and burn the rest of the night feverishly working on it? I really hope I am a sincere and dedicated person - a lot of people have sacrificed a lot to put me through school and it would be poor repayment indeed to not benefit thoroughly from the education that they struggled so much for me to acquire.

I have a plan for my life. It is a strong plan that makes a few bold and harsh assumptions, but as my life seems to be going right now, they seem to be well justified assumptions. Am I molding my life to fit my plans? Is it wrong if I am? My dealings with New Jersey (I refuse to use his name, for whatever reasons) have really made me wonder how rigorously one should adhere to their idea of an ideal life - an idea that was conceived as an adolescent, with no true idea of what the future truly holds. My plans for my future always seemed a little harsh to me, but I knew that it was the best plan for me. I am a unique person, (everyone is! :-D) I was really remarkably suited for a single life. I have the bitterness that is required and the selfishness and Darwinian backwardness of physical appearance that marks me for out as one to be weeded out in the process of natural selection in life. I realized, post New Jersey, that for some reason, I mainly like like ass wipes. So I am actually kind of glad that I am low enough of the totem pole of attractiveness (physical and otherwise) to never be in the danger of entangling with another person. I prefer to be miserable alone than with someone else, thank you very much.

So, that explains why I shall lead my glorious, jubilating, exciting life alone. I love my family. I really do. It took losing one of us for me to understand just how solid their support is. I choose to live today, and one big reason is that it is too hard on the family to lose a member of the flock. I can't believe that my childhood is past. I vividly remember scenes of my brother and sister ganging against me, my mother cooking, my father returning home after a long day in town or arriving at the airport. I really miss them. I really miss the past!

However, everything said and done, I have inherited my father's tendency of living alone abroad. Going back to India would be extremely difficult for me at this stage. I like my freedom and relative independence. I like the general mentality of the West much more than I do of the East. I am not a coconut! I would always choose to be an Indian, because I was born one, I would just choose to never live in India in the long term.

So, that leaves me with family on the phone and friends as my local support. And I have said this a million times and its worth repeating, I have been extremely lucky with regards to how many good friends I have made in life. I do hope to gain a larger degree of independence, though. The whole car scene is currently really bringing my independence/fun/doing that which I want to do when I want to do factor down right now.

I do hope that I meet a Mr. Darcy at some point in my life. Even if it is brief, I want to feel happy with a fellow human being who is more than a friend for once. I remember when NJ visited me for Thanksgiving and some part of me kept wondering, is this it? I want to experience the feeling of being with someone and thinking, this is it!! Who knows? One of these days, with all these scientific advances in genetics, pigs will fly. That is both the beauty and bitch of life - you never know what is going to be thrown at you! I don't honestly expect anything that optimistic to happen, though. Relationships are super hard, from what I can tell, and basically it is too much work to get to the blissful state and in all honesty, I think I just don't have the patience for it.

Why am I pouring so many of my thoughts on the blog today? Because I called five friends and they are all asleep. I feel alone and I need to talk to someone. If you read this and you are someone I know, know that all the touchy feely stuff that I mention is something I will never own to! Even if you show me my blog, I will somehow find a way to disown these thoughts, it betrays my cool, bitter, pessimistic image. ;)

I am kind of tired of soul searching for now. Going to go numb my mind in some sort of productive activity, hopefully.

To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield.
To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield.

To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield.

I love Ulysses, the poem by Lord Alfred Tennyson. That poem embodies the spirit of fight in life. The passion that is needed to see through the end of a bad day or a horrible year. Yes, life has been difficult, but there are things to be done, people to meet, places to see and lives to live through.

One of my friends left Atlanta last week and another desperately wants to go to Atlanta. Me, I am in Charleston, embarking on a journey I had never intended to take. Today was OK right upto the part when I came home. I am still not used to having people leave my life, and its sad, disgraceful and selfish of me, but it still breaks my heart when one of my friends is preparing to embark on a journey that leaves me behind, all alone. I am scared of being alone here. This place was starting to feel comfortable, its amazing how much one can regress in one evening!!

I sincerely wish my friend, the deserter ;) shall we call him, all the success and happiness in the world. Everyone has to find their life and happiness, I hope you find yours. Forgive me for my whiny behaviour, its difficult for me - for a lot of reasons. But, I really appreciate the value of your company and hope that things work out!

And to yet another friend, who patiently heard me out while neglecting to tell me of her own woes, thank you. I am truly grateful and hope that I can be as good a friend to you as you have been to me today.

The great thing about "progressing" ( if I were in Germany, I am told ;)) in life is that you get to meet a lot of great people. The flip side is that you say goodbye to a lot of close friends - for a myriad of reasons. One of the biggest reasons for my hating Charleston is my realization that my childhood is finished. This is now *my* time. I have to make all my dreams come true. Everyone is truly alone in that. You have to follow your destiny. No one else can walk your steps for you.

I hope I don't let my dreams die. I hope I achieve all that I planned on achieving many years ago. Hopefully I will still continue with the lucky streak of making one really awesome friend a year. Hopefully I will travel the world with a backpack and no money in the bank. As the good poet said, hopefully I'll re-gain my courage to strive, to seek, to find and not to yield.

Ride to the grocery store. ;)

First a report on the play from yesterday: Hmm, the play was sort of OK - risque is not quite the word, because it implies a degree of sophistication - cheap / vulgar seems rather harsh, but I think there were a few moments that might well have qualified for those epithets. Some interesting thoughts from the play - does loving someone mean that you forgive their sleeping with your son? Does loving your son mean that you forgive his sleeping with your wife? Does being a good wife mean abandoning your true love to be with your husband? Does being a good son mean giving up on the one and only in your life to fulfil filial duties? Of course, all these problems would not have arisen had the woman just been truthful regarding not marrying the king - she was a bit of an opportunist and extremely manipulative!! I especially had serious issues with the way Yseult used her maid - its the ultimate insult to be considered a hole with an intact hymen!!
(Good god! I hope _NOBODY_ from my family / acquaintance reads this post - especially family!)


However, everything said and done - I had a good time. Its always fun to go see a bad play with a great friend! :-)) Plus there was the "wedding reception" during the interval that was really rather cute.


The day before, I saw a plaque (?) for Andrew Jackson's mum. She gave her son some truly sound advice. Its an interesting perspective - as reluctant as I am to say this, I am warming up to some of the notions of this place. Also, did I mention the awesome pralines in my post for this last Saturday? Calories rock!

I am still shaking my head at the thought of ambient moments....

Between farmers and slaves.

Today was beautiful - sunny but not extremely so, with a hint of humidity.

Had some awesome crepes, gelato ice and pralines. (Always open with food - the most important item on the agenda, eh?) I've been re-writing/editing for the past 5 minutes, trying to say something nice about Charleston without betraying the site's URL. Here's a thought, a true compliment is one that is given despite all the reasons to not give it. I think downtown Charleston is extremely beautiful for its vines, old architecture and je ne sais quoi.

That's not to say that it doesn't have its truly ugly, scary parts that should not be frequented by the feeble hearted.

I had a fun day today! How about you? ;)

I can't think of a title.

I love the courier font. If I could figure out how to make it the default font for my damn blog, I would. As things stand, I settle for having my thoughts be splattered across the ethernet in the font whenever I remember to change the font before publishing the post.

So, I guess I will get the unpleasant subject out of the way. Something has gone terribly wrong. My plans regarding something very important have undergone a radical revision. I am cagey enough to not mention details here, and probably unless you are very close, I won't in person either. Suffice it to say that my cerebral cup overfloweth and I am perturbed.


Ambient moments. Interesting things. Real! I can tell you that from experience. Unsettling. Some cheap, philosophical thoughts that don't say much about me that is flattering:

- If you take a moment to find the peace within your surroundings and make the effort to see some beauty, you will. Life is bursting with wonderous moments that will make you gasp with astonishment and rejuvenate your jaded soul.


- A smile really does go a long way, most of the times anyway. Sure, I don't like most people I meet! I guess I am negative in that, and even worse, I trust the nobility of intentions or goodness of heart of even fewer still. However, having said that, I will also say that I have met more people that I liked than I had time to invest in, so.. where does that leave me?

I watched a bird dip around a very lame pond today. It was a little white bird with a lot of energy! It would dip into the pool and then fly a little loop and then come back in. I couldn't tell if it was fishing for some food or just trying to cool off in bursts and spurts.

:-)

ambient moments...

Want to know what an ambient moment is? Watch this:
http://www.dcubed.com/dan/jetta-qt4.mov

I am told what I experienced today was an ambient moment.

.... ripple of serendipity ....